Ma'chello Snap
by calaner
Summary: Episode tag for Holiday. Jack just can't keep from touching things. I downgraded the rating to T, but be advised there is some crude language and sexual situations.
1. Chapter 1

This story takes place just after the events of Holiday.  
Rated for (slightly crude) mention of boy and girl parts, and sexual situations, but nothing graphic.

ooooo

"Dammit, sir." Jack's voice echoed in the small concrete room.

Jack stared, slack-jawed, eyes wide, as the now-familiar tingling sensation dissipated and the enormity of what he had just done became clear. Apparently the little clip that was attached to the device's handle was attached at the other end to Carter's laptop. Which was on Carter's lap.

"Crap." _Double crap. _It was Carter's voice that echoed in his, no, make that, her ears. And it was himself that was glaring back at him over the alien device.

"This is exactly why I was working ALONE on this…oh, this is just too weird." Carter in Jack's body broke off her tirade, distracted by the bizarre phenomenon she was experiencing. She stepped back from the machine and stared down at Jack's hands as she wriggled his fingers, then brought those fingers up to feel along his jaw, rough from a day's beard growth. "This is amazing."

"Yeah?" Jack watched her, experiencing for a second time in as many days the sensation of watching himself as if in some kind of possessed mirror. As tempting as it was, he did not dare commence the same sort of exploration of the body which he now possessed, trying hard not to think too hard about the ramifications of this most recent switch. _I'm in Carter's body. Don't think about it, don't think about it. Oh my god, I'm in Carter's body. _

"Captain Carter." Her voice again. That was sooo weird.

"Sir?"

"If you don't mind." He gestured toward her, indicating how she was now feeling along his chest and ribcage. He saw his own cheeks color, as she realized what she was doing. If he started doing that…

"Sorry, sir."

"Maybe we should just get this un-done."

"How do you propose we do that, sir?"

"Can't we just do what we did before? We just need another person."

"What other person? It's 0200 hours."

"There are SF's all over the place, and gate techs."

"No way, sir. I'm not letting just anybody into my…body."

"It will just be for a second."

"No, sir."

No, sir? His little captain got mighty spunky when she was …well, not so little. "Then who?"

"Janet."

"She's not here."

"I'll call her."

"Fine."

"Lets go to my lab."

This room had no phone. And no surprise she would want to use a private phone. He watched himself cross around the device and brush by him as she headed for the door. She stopped.

"Come with me, Sir."

"Why?"

"Because, I'm not letting my body out of my sight. Especially with you in it."

"Hey, I'm not the one who was giving _my_ body the pat down over there."

She blushed again, but recovered quickly. "Exactly my point, sir."

"What?"

But she was on the move again, opening the door and pausing only to ensure that he was following. Setting aside the laptop, he jumped up and followed behind her, watching his own ass as she moved purposefully through the corridors to the elevator. As much as he tried not to think about it, it was impossible not to notice one very obvious thing. His…stuff…was missing. His cock, his balls; definitely not there. Strange. He would have expected that the presence of other things, of …_Don't think it, don't think it…_tits, yes tits, breasts, Carter's great rack, would have been much more noticeable than the absence of his own equipment, but actually, there was not that much sensation in the chest area. Her bra seemed to keep everything pretty motionless, although the straps were definitely a bit uncomfortable.

He looked down at them. He had to. Okay, slightly different view, but not all that exciting. At least not more exciting than usual. He shimmied a little, just enough to get a little bit of movement. He felt that. He could feel the weight of them. Hmm.

"Sir!"

He looked up just as he walked into her, not realizing that they had arrived at the elevator and she had turned to catch him in the act. He looked up at her sheepishly.

"Sorry."

She sighed. "I guess this is a lot different than just switching with Teal'c. Oh, except the symbiote…"

"…was extremely weird. But, this is weirder."

"Is it?"

"Don't you think? I mean, you've got…" He gestured very generally toward his own pants-fly area feeling suddenly very conflicted.

On the one hand, it was mortifying to think that she was now, very literally in possession of his body. Certain parts of his body, to be specific, which, the longer they stayed this way, she was more likely to actually see and/or touch. And that very thought, the thought of her touching him there caused a rush of heat to his groin. It took him a moment to realize it wasn't the familiar twitch of his cock but rather a similar pleasurable surge of heat and, oh god, a gush of warm wetness. He closed his eyes, feeling a flush raise in his cheeks.

"What the hell are you doing, sir?"

His eyes snapped open to reveal a very pissed-looking himself glaring back at him. Okay, there wasn't another hand. He was just mortified.

"Call the damn elevator, Carter. We need to undo this thing. Right. Now."


	2. Chapter 2

They rode the car up in silence, both staring at their respective feet. He was trying very hard not to think about the unfamiliar sensations he was experiencing and assumed she was doing the same. He could tell by the way she kept shifting around that she was not being entirely successful.

They arrived at Level 21, and she again took the lead walking purposefully toward their destination. As he walked, Jack began to notice some of the other, non-genitalia related differences. Sam was not short, but the loss of stature from his own height was definitely noticeable. As was the shift in his center of gravity. On the up side, her knees didn't hurt. There was, however, a tight knot between her shoulder blades. He wondered if that was there all the time. He lifted her shoulders to try to stretch it out, and recognized the gesture as one he had seen her do frequently. It _was_ there all the time. Yet, she never mentioned it.

They arrived at the lab and she slid her, no his, key card to unlock the door. Once inside, she closed and locked it behind them. She had picked up the phone and was waiting for an outside line…then put the handset back down.

"Carter?"

"Its 0200."

"And…"

"I'm just thinking that Janet will be here in three hours any way. Why not wait?"

"I don't…"

"Look, I've been thinking."

"Of course you have."

"And I know this is a little, okay a lot, awkward, but this is an amazing opportunity for scientific study. I mean, aren't you curious?"

"No." he lied.

"No?"

"Look, Carter I am sure there are all sorts of cool experiments that could done with that device. But you and I cannot be the test subjects."

"Why not?"

He couldn't believe _he_ was explaining this to_ her_. "Remember the awkwardness thing? You and I know each other. We work together. And we have to continue to work together. Being in another person's body is a…intimate experience."

"Yeah, I noticed that."

"There's no way General Hammond would approve this."

"Yeah, I thought of that."

"So you were thinking we would do this secretly?"

She didn't respond immediately. He could just see the cogs turning. "No, I guess not. It's just that…"

"What, Carter?"

"Well, it's just that _I'm_ curious. And not the, I-can-read-the-report kind of curious. I want to know what it's like. To actually experience it." She looked at him. "Don't you?"

Jack was pretty sure he was going have a stroke right there. He couldn't believe what she was suggesting. Hell yeah, he was curious. Any guy would be. Although he wasn't so sure how he felt about being…penetrated…even if it was himself that was technically doing the penetrating. Oh, that was just so wrong--this was not just some random female body. It was Carter's body. It was a shrine, a temple. Not to be touched. Not by him, not ever.

She was going on. "Sir, this _is_ an amazing opportunity for gaining knowledge about how the organic brain contains and exudes the human mind. I mean, that was what I was originally trying to learn about by studying the device. And with unlike genders, we can also delve into the specific differences between the male and female mind. I never intended to actually use it to switch brains, but since we have, why not take advantage of the situation?"

"What? Uh, I thought you were thinking more along the line of how, you know, men and women experience, um, you know, experiences, differently."

"Experience experiences?"

He nodded. "You know..." He made a pumping motion with his fist. Okay, that was horrible, especially seeing _her_ hand do it.

"You mean sex."

He blanched slightly at her bluntness, but shrugged in affirmative response.

"There is that," she conceded. "The thing is, sir, that human sexual response is a physically observable and measurable process, but the actual experience is a product of the mind. In your body, I might be able to observe firsthand the physiological responses of your body, but ultimately I could only really observe the same things that could be noted by an external observer. The actual experience would be mine, not yours. And the…"

"Carter, stop." he barked. "All your technobabble coming out of my mouth is freaking me out."

"Sorry sir."

"Anyway it doesn't matter because we can't."

"Sir?"

"We can't stay in these bodies because Hammond won't let us. And we can't do it secretly because there's no way we could ever pull it off. I would just end up in the infirmary while Fraiser tried to figure out how you got brain damage all of a sudden. And frankly, I don't think you could play me either."

She didn't disagree. But she did look disappointed. "Well, we have a few hours."

"To…"

"Well the truth is; I actually _was_ curious about…you know…"

Yes, the lights were changing color. Definitely a stroke.

"We can't, Carter. We can't have sex."

"Well not with each other, obviously."

He did a double take. "With who, then?"

"Well, I wasn't thinking with anybody, actually, except myself. Yourself, I mean."

"Oh." He hadn't thought of that. Maybe that wouldn't be so horrible. Except; "I'm not sure how I feel about that. Think about it. Are you okay with _me_ touching _your _body that way?" Why was he even asking that? Shrine, remember?

She nodded in a kind of circular motion that ended up being a side to side shake.

He mused further. "Although, I guess if I don't think of it as you doing it. I mean, it would be _my_ hand, really."

He watched his face turn deep scarlet. He didn't even know he could blush like that.

"I'm sorry, sir. You're right. We can't. I shouldn't even have suggested it. I'll call Janet right now."

But now she had gotten him thinking. Who was he to stand in the way of science? "Hold up, there."

She paused, looking at him.

"You were right about the time. She'll be here in a few hours anyway."

"And?"

"And so you and I could just go our separate ways for a while. We could, you know, take a walk, get something to eat. Or just get some shut eye. Whatever. "

"Separately."

"Right. So neither one of us has to know what the other one does. We just agree we won't discuss it after this. When Hammond debriefs us, we can say we didn't do anything inappropriate, and if it happens that one of us did, well, the other wouldn't know about it. No one would ever know about it."

He knew what he was suggesting was crazy, and against the regs, well maybe not technically, since the regs didn't really contemplate switching bodies with one of your subordinates …

"Okay."

"Really?"

She nodded his head.

"Okay, let's say we meet back in the infirmary at 0500 hours."


	3. Chapter 3

Jack watched Carter in his body exit the lab, checking the hallway first as if afraid of being caught. A very non-logical move, especially for Carter. Even if someone saw them, there was no way to know just by looking at them that they were in the wrong bodies. Yet he felt the same way, like he needed to sneak about, to avoid being found out. Of course, every minute that passed without them reporting the incident, it became more of a breach of protocol. If Hammond did find out about their little experiment, no doubt heads would roll.

Jack waited long enough to give Carter time to clear the general vicinity of the lab, and then exited it himself. He followed his instinct to stay out of sight and headed directly to one of the VIP quarters. Once there he locked himself in and considered what he should do next. She had given him permission, at least implicitly, to do as he liked. And his brain had conjured up all sorts of ideas on that subject, all of which started with stripping in front of a mirror. But that made him think that she might be doing the same thing with his body, which made him very self-conscious. And turned on. But mostly self-conscious.

He stood for a long while, contemplating Carter's reflection in the dresser mirror. God, she was beautiful. And hot. Both. He thought about the fact that he somehow distinguished between these two traits, and found that while it made sense to him, he would have had a hard time explaining it to anyone else. He ran fingers through her soft blond hair. Nice. He touched her face. It was odd, not only did her skin feel soft and smooth; the experience of feeling just how soft and smooth was different using her fingers. He ran his fingers along the fabric of her BDU shirt. Yeah, definitely different. He wondered if it was just that her fingers were less calloused. Finally he reached up and started to unbutton her shirt, but only got to the first one before he stopped. In that moment, he realized that this was not going to happen. It **couldn't** happen and for oh, so many reasons.

First, even if there was, strictly speaking, no reg against having sexual contact with yourself while in the body of a subordinate, he knew damn well that had anyone of the higher-ups had ever contemplated this possibility, there definitely would be one. He would be violating the spirit, if not the letter of the law. Second, he was being a pig and he knew it. He knew Carter well enough to know that she was genuinely motivated by scientific curiosity. Whether or not she had any level of attraction toward him, he didn't dare guess, and even if she did find the experience to be a turn-on, the primary motivation was scientific. He could not say the same for himself. All he wanted from the moment he allowed himself to consider the idea was to see and touch Carter's naked body. If he found out how she liked to be touched, or how it felt from a woman's perspective, fine, but that was all just part of the turn-on; mental fodder for many, many jerk-off sessions to come. But science had absolutely nothing to do with it. And finally, the reason this was not going to happen was that, permission or no, he felt like he was violating her and he knew himself well enough to know that he would not be able to look her in the eye afterward if he were to carry this through. And that just wasn't worth the cheap thrill.

"This sucks," he said out loud, wincing at the high pitch of Carter's voice in his ears. He finally had the opportunity to get into Carter's pants, and shirt, and everything else, and he couldn't bring himself to do it. And in the mean time, she was off having a good ol' time molesting him, and he wasn't there to enjoy that either. "Really sucks." He thought about going and finding her; putting a stop to this, but he had agreed. And he trusted her. And…what if he actually interrupted her…that was an image he just didn't want to deal with. "Really, really sucks." Sighing, he lay down on the bed and closed his eyes. Just a few hours, he thought, and then Janet would be there and they could end this nightmare.

Carter had not slept for nearly two days while they were tracking down Ma'chello in Daniel's body, and had only gotten a few hours after the crisis was resolved before returning to work and starting to study the device. As a result, she was physically exhausted, and Jack, captive in her body and lacking her always-on-overdrive brain was asleep almost the moment her head hit the pillow.

He was brought abruptly back to consciousness by the sound of the klaxons blaring.

Un-scheduled off world activation.

Without thinking he was up and moving, out the door and heading down the corridor before he remembered his condition. "Crap." He checked Carter's watch; 0947 hours. He had slept right through Janet's shift start, AND the 0800 briefing. "Double crap." He had no choice but to continue to the control room. He found General Hammond already there, along with the Daniel, T'ealc and Carter, who he noted, was doing a terrible job of keeping the fact that she was completely freaked out from showing on his face. Way to keep cool, Carter, he thought, giving her a pointed look.

"Captain Carter," the general greeted him. "Nice of you to join us."

"Uh, sorry, sir, "he stammered, feeling the warmth of his chagrin flush her cheeks. "Um, what's going on?" He observed that the gate framed an active event horizon. And while the airmen in the gateroom aimed their weapons warily at its shimmering surface, the iris was open.

"It's the Tok'ra," Daniel offered, "we got their iris code and then a radio signal to 'stand by'"

"Really." He didn't know what else to say. He just hoped it wasn't Jacob coming to visit. Talk about bad timing.

"Carter. A word." He looked up to see Carter gesturing for him to join her away from the others in the far corner of the room.

"Yes, sir."

"Where the hell were you, si…Carter?" She barked in a coarse whisper, glancing over his shoulder to ensure no one was actually listening.

He gave her his best "don't you take that tone with me" look, but had no idea how it played on her face. She didn't exactly look contrite. No, she just looked pissed. He couldn't help but be a bit pleased to see how intimidating his glower could be. No wonder the trainees cowered when he used it.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in reply, "I fell asleep."

She dropped the volume of her voice even lower, but rasped her incredulity. "You were alone with **my** body and you fell asleep?

"Hey, it's not my fault. You're the one who never gets enough sleep. I was exhausted."

"Uh, guys?" It was Daniel, who despite the obviously private nature of their conversation, had edged closer to get their attention.

"What?" They both responded, each equally annoyed by the interruption.

Daniel tipped his head toward the active gate.

As one, they turned to look at the earth-tone clad figure now standing at the base of the ramp, and in unison they exclaimed; "Dad!"


	4. Chapter 4

Knowing it would be suspicious if he didn't, Jack plastered as big a smile as he could fake onto Carter's face and went down to the gate room floor to greet her father.

"Dad!"

"Samantha!"

Jacob opened his arms wide, and Jack reluctantly went to him for a big daddy/daughter hug. God, just shoot me now. The surprising thing was that it actually felt kind of good. He had never gotten hugs from his own father, and while he did not hesitate to give and receive hugs from his friends, like Daniel for instance, it was odd, in a nice way, to have the other person be bigger and stronger. When this was all over, he decided, he was going to have to get Teal'c to give him a hug every once in a while.

"Ahem." Carter interrupted the moment. "Hey, Jacob," she said, sounding like she was reading from a script, "What's up?" She held out her hand and Jacob took it, but he gave her an odd look.

Great, thought Jack. Carter had to be the worst actor on the planet. She was so going to get them caught. Fortunately, Hammond was right behind her, and it was to the general that the elder Carter addressed himself.

"George, we need to talk."

A short time later, SG-1, Hammond and Jacob convened around the conference room table. Initially, Jack and Carter had gone for the same chair and had looked like two inept dance partners for several moments as they tried to sort it out, but now they were all seated and listening attentively to Carter's father. Nevertheless, Daniel kept giving them sidelong glances.

"Three days ago," Jacob began, "one of our scouting parties discovered an ancient ruin on a Goa'uld occupied world. There was a great deal of writing on the walls, most of which we were not able to translate, except for this…" he held up an electronic note pad. "…which appear to be mathematical formulas. We were hoping Dr. Jackson and Sam might be able to make something of them." He handed the tablet to Jack, who furled his brow in his best Carter-studying-something imitation. He could tell Carter was about to jump out of her skin—make that his skin—trying not to grab it from him. He gladly handed it on to Daniel when the linguist reached for it.

"I've see this before." Daniel exclaimed. "Sam, don't you recognize it?"

Jack shrugged.

"You know. From Ernest's planet."

"Ernest?" Jacob asked.

"Dr. Ernest Littlefield went through the stargate in 1945 during an experiment conducted by the U.S. military," Daniel explained, speaking so quickly he rendered himself breathless. "The DHD on the other side was damaged and so he was trapped there for over 50 years. This…this writing is like one of the inscriptions on the wall of the palace where we found him."

"Can you read it?" Jacob queried.

"Uh, no. Not yet, anyway."

"What I don't understand, Jacob," General Hammond broke in, "is why you feel this is important. I mean given that you don't know what any of it says. It could be a grocery list for all you know."

Jacob gave the general an indulgent look. "Granted, we can't read the writing, but the math is another matter. Sam, take a look at it again…I can't believe you didn't see the significance."

Time slowed down while Jack's tactical mind took over. He was clearly trapped, and he needed a strategy to get out of this situation. A distraction perhaps. Carter was way ahead of him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her reach for her water glass. The next moment the contents of said glass were in his lap. He jumped up with a yelp.

Carter's "oops, sorry" was drowned out by Jack's "HOLY SHIT!" which was followed by an eerie silence.

Jack looked up from Carter's soaked pants to find that all eyes were on him.

"I mean…golly, sir."

"Sam," Daniel asked gently, "are you okay?"

"Colonel O'Neill just dumped an entire glass of water on my lap."

"I know. I mean before that. You seem a little…off, today."

"Captain Carter." General Hammond spoke, "Doctor Jackson is right. You missed this morning's briefing, you've been distracted **this** whole meeting and now…well you just don't seem yourself."

"Honey, is there something wrong?" Jacob asked, clearly concerned. Jack resisted the urge to glare at him.

"Uh.." he started.

"Captain Carter hasn't gotten much rest the last couple of days," he heard his own voice offer by way of an explanation, "due to her diligent efforts in resolving the issue of Daniel and Ma'chellos's body switching device." Oh my god, he would never talk like that. Why didn't anyone think **she** was acting strange?

"Captain Carter is indeed fatigued." Thanks, Teal'c.

"Captain, perhaps you ought to go find a change of clothes."

"Yes, sir."

"And then, I want you to report to the infirmary." Doh. He knew it, he had so predicted this. "And," the general continued, "if Doctor Fraiser says it is **just** fatigue, then I want you home and resting for 24 hours. Whatever these inscriptions are, they can wait that long, can't they, Jacob?"

The older man appeared torn, but his concern for his daughter's well-being won out and he nodded. "Maybe Doctor Jackson could study it in the mean time."

"Yes," Daniel piped up. "I'd be glad to."

""""

"Seriously, Janet," he began, trying very hard to sound more curious than annoyed. "What does shining a light in my eyes tell you?"

The doctor looked at him quizzically. "Sam, you know the answer to that as well as I do." She chuckled. "You sound like Colonel O'Neill."

"Yeah, I was just kidding." Damn. One of these days he was going to have to ask Carter about the whole light in the eyes thing.

"Well, your physical exam doesn't reveal anything alarming. Although, you do look tired. I'm guessing your blood work will reveal anemia, as usual." She jotted some notes on Carter's chart. "How was your last period?"

"Excuse me?"

"Was the cramping still as bad as it was on your last mission to Cimmeria?"

What? Really? No wonder she had been so crabby. "I…uh…"

"Okay, we'll try something stronger." More writing on the chart. "And I assume you have not been sexually active since we last chatted."

Okay, she asked all of them that routinely. No big deal. "I wish," he responded with what he hoped came off as a girlish giggle. Janet chuckled in response. Then she looked around as if to assure they were alone and whispered, "Did you see that new SF? Finley, I think."

Jack **had** seen the enlisted man, but he had only noticed the ridiculous gorilla because he had biceps that were bigger than Teal'c's and Jack had felt compelled to point this out to the Jaffa. Surely intelligent women didn't find that attractive. The guy's IQ had to be the same as his shoe size.

"He's a little overbuilt don't you think?"

"Are you kidding? Since when don't you like the muscles?" Janet asked in mock (he hoped) astonishment. "Now you know me, I like the tall, lanky types. Like a certain full-bird colonel we know." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively while Jack tried not to choke on his own spit.

Just then, a nurse came into the room and handed the doctor a form on a clipboard. The doctor perused it briefly. "Yep, I called that one. I guess it's an iron shot and we send you home to get some sleep."

"Shot?"

"It's your own fault, Sam. If you ate properly this wouldn't happen to you. I'll be back in a minute."

He couldn't believe it. He was being lectured **and** he was getting a shot and it was all Carter's fault. In fact it was her fault he was in the infirmary to begin with. The only thing that wasn't her fault was his touching the thingy that got this all started, but come to think of it, if she had warned him he never would have.

"This is so unfair."

"What's unfair, baby?" Jacob had snuck up on him.

Resisting the urge to slug the man, Jack replied as naturally as he could. "Janet's sending me home."

"So you're just tired."

"I guess so. I'm fine really."

"You need to take better care of yourself."

"I know." Really he did. How many times had he said that exact thing to Carter?

"I know you know, but you get so caught up in things. That CO of yours needs to be paying closer attention."

What? "It's not Colonel O'Neill's fault, Dad," he defended himself. "He tells me to get more rest all of the time."

"And you ignore him?"

"Pretty much."

Jacob shook his head. Jack got the feeling he was still not off the hook.

"Well, _I'm_ paying attention. And I am going home with you to make sure you follow orders."

"Home. With me?"

"Sure. You don't mind having your old dad as a house guest for a day or so, do you? You can sleep and I'll just catch up on the sitcoms."

"Great." He tried to smile, but he was pretty sure it was more of a grimace.

"Okay, kiddo. I'll get out of the way while the doc finishes up. I'll be in George's office when you're ready to go."

Jack glumly watched Jacob go, just as Janet returned, huge honk'n needle in hand.

So freak'n unfair.


	5. Chapter 5

Jack went looking for Carter the moment he was free of the infirmary. He decided to try Daniel's office first, since that was where he would be, if he were himself. But there, he only found Daniel.

"Sam! Hey, how are you?"

"Hi, Daniel. I'm fine, just tired like everyone said. I was looking for Colonel O'Neill."

"Yeah, about that."

"What?"

"Well, I hate to say it but he's acting strangely, too."

Here we go. "Oh?"

Daniel stood and went to the door, which he closed. Daniel never closed his office door.

"Come on, Sam," he said, as he turned around and came back where Jack was standing. He put his hand on Carters arm and gave it a weird little squeeze. "Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. You know you can tell me anything, don't you?"

"I honestly don't know what you're talking about, Daniel."

"I saw you two this morning. Teal'c noticed, too. Something happened, didn't it? Something happened between you and Jack."

"What?"

"Did he make a pass at you? Or did it go further than that?"

"What the hell, Daniel. Why would you think something like that?"

"Look Sam, you're a beautiful woman." Oh? "And Jack is…well, he's a guy. He's a very worldly guy who's used to getting what he wants from women."

Okay, he and Daniel were going to be having a long talk when all this was over. He couldn't imagine how Daniel had conjured up this image of him. Jack liked women, sure. And he knew he was kind of good-looking, hell, at least Doc Fraiser thought so, but he was no Don Juan.

"Daniel, you are way off base…"

"I know, I know. Jack denied it, too. I understand about the regs; don't ask, don't tell and all that." Daniel obviously didn't understand a damn thing about the regs. But more at issue was;

"What do you mean, 'Jack denied it too'?"

"Well that's the weird thing." Daniel took off his glasses and cleaned them on his tee shirt.

"What, Daniel? What's the weird thing?" How could a guy talk so damn fast when no one gave a crap what he was saying and then talk so agonizingly slow when it was actually interesting?

"I went to find you in your lab and I found Jack there instead."

"Okay…"

"You know what he was doing?"

"No idea." But he was afraid to think. No Carter, you weren't. Not without locking the door.

"He had gotten hold of Jacob's pad—took it from my office apparently, and was downloading it onto your laptop."

Thank god. Although** that** wasn't a real smart thing to do without locking the door, either.

"Oh, well I asked him to do that. I was hoping to sneak a look while I was at home tonight."

Daniel nodded. "Yeah, that's what he said."

"So, I'm really missing the weird part."

"Jack knows Hammond ordered you to rest. And if Hammond hadn't, Jack would've."

"And...so…"

"And so he wouldn't have been helping you disobey an order unless you had something over him."

Jack couldn't help but laugh. "And this is your evidence that something happened between us?"

"That and the snippets of what I heard between you two this morning. Something about being alone with him and falling asleep."

"You obviously misheard, Daniel. Trust me, nothing has happened."

"Are you sure, Sam? 'Cause Teal'c will kick his ass if you want him to."

"Teal'c said that?"

"Actually, Teal'c said he would 'cause him great bodily harm'"

That's just great. "Well tell Teal'c I appreciate the thought, but it's really not necessary."

""""

Carter was still in her office when Jack arrived there.

"Sir! Good. I wanted to talk with you."

"No kidding. What are we doing, Carter? We need to get Fraiser and undo this."

"We can't, sir."

"And why on earth not?"

"Because it's been over 10 hours since this happened and if we tell her now we put her in a bad position."

"Of either turning us in or covering for us."

"Right. We can't do that to her."

Jack considered the very sore spot where the Doc had jammed in that needle and thought he might not feel all that bad about it. But, of course Carter was right. They couldn't risk her turning them in.

"Okay, what do you suggest, then?"

"Maybe Daniel or Teal'c."

Well, that was an idea. Jack could imagine the look on Daniel's face when he realized who he had really been talking to a few minutes ago. But he did not like the idea of Daniel being in Carter's body, even for a few seconds. Not after his "you're a beautiful woman" spiel.

"Teal'c, definitely."

Carter made the call, and the big alien met them in the iso lab where the device was located.

"JacobCarter is looking for CaptainCarter," he informed them after they explained the situation to him, "and GeneralHammond is most displeased."

"Sorry, Carter," Jack explained. "You were supposed to meet your dad in the general's office after the physical."

"Great," she sighed. "Well let's get this over with and I'll go face the music. You don't mind, do you Teal'c?"

"I am glad to assist. Although, I do wonder why you waited so long to ask."

"Yeah, that's a long story. The thing is, no one can find out. Okay?"

The Jaffa nodded. "I will tell no one."

"Great Teal'c. You're a real pal"

"However, I do not wish to learn that you have taken advantage of this situation, O'Neill."

Jack exchanged a look with Carter. Thoughts of being done great bodily harm came to mind. And not getting any hugs. "Carter, tell him I didn't, will ya?"

""""

Once the exchange was completed, Teal'c took his leave. Jack gave himself a quick and happy pat down, sighing with relief.

"Well this is a lot better, isn't' it?" Carter observed.

"Oh, yeah." Jack couldn't help but grin at her. He much preferred looking at her in her own body and hearing her speak in her own voice.

"Well, I guess I should go find my dad."

"Hey, I'll go with you. I'll say I held you up."

"Sir, you don't have to."

"No, I want to. This was all my fault."

"Well, okay." Wait, she wasn't supposed to agree. How was it all his fault? Whatever.

"But first…"

"Yes, sir?"

"So, I'm just curious. Did you…I mean, I don't need details, but…did you?"

"Sir. We agreed we wouldn't talk about it."

"I know, but I told you what I did."

"You fell asleep. Right, sir. And I suppose you kept your eyes closed when you changed out of my wet pants."

"Actually, I did." Actually, he did.

"Well, then I guess you were a better woman than I am."

And then she gave him a hint of a smile before turning and sauntering from the room.

The end.


End file.
